I lock myself out of my car tonight. I enter through the passenger side, grab a piece of paper and a pen and write a note to put on Sara’s car (in retaliation for the note she left on mine.) When I’m done, I get up and instinctively lock the door, realizing even as the door’s closing that my keys are sitting on the driver’s seat.

Slam. Too late.

It just so happens that John, the master craftsman responsible for all the amazing shelves, fixtures and repairs around Amoeba, happens to have a long piece of hooked wire exactly as long as I need to reach in through the cracked window and retrieve the keys off the seat.

Very typical.

Anyway, I’ve been down, I guess. Low on inspiration and short on motivation. I’m saying this to explain two things: one, why I’ve been absent. It’s tough to write about things when I think there’s nothing worth writing about. And two, it might explain my sudden interest in Black Metal.

Huh? I hear you think.

I’ve always been curious about it. And I love exploring new and intreresting genres of music. I leap into new musical terrain often. This current fling is really the result of several things. I’d read recently about the exploits of notorious Norwegian lunatics Mayhem, Burzum and Bathory. I’d also had a discussion with coworker Ariel about the difference between Death Metal and Black Metal (I’m still not clear on the exact criteria for each, though there’s clearly a difference since we keep them separate at Amoeba; confusingly, allmusic.com seems to lump them together.) And then the death of Thrash Metalist Dimebag Darrell Abbott stirred me enough to want to explore the more intense end of the musical spectrum. So I’m diving in.

I remember the days of the PMRC and it’s Filthy Fifteen. Remember them? These were the fifteen songs that were the worst offenders of the moral dignity of America. Madonna was on that list. So were Def Leppard and Cyndi Lauper.

What would they have done if someone had snatched a copy of Nymphetamine by Cradle of Filth from eighteen years in the future and dropped it into their CD player? Heck, you be the judge:

Gilded Cock: stream | mp3

Pretty, aren’t they? As rough and tumble as that song is, surging with orchestral blasts and lead singer Dani Filth’s growls and screams, Black Metalists Gorgoroth cultivate an even darker vibe. These guys are pure Black Metal. I’ve scanned a couple images from the inner sleeve of their album Twilight of the Idols to give you an idea of the theatricality and posturing that exemplifies this genre. Here are lead singer, Gaahl and drummer, Kvitrafn:

I’d love to hang out with these guys. Click on the link below to hear a little of their upbeat melodica. Turn the volume up. Brace yourself.

Procreating Satan: stream | mp3

Enjoy. It’s getting late. I was going to expand this post by bringing up Diamanda, but she’ll wait till next time.